Even though I have facilitated a Death Cafe for four years and learnt so much while I cared for my dementia’d mum during that time, I still could not provide for her in death in the beautiful ways so many of your stories describe. I did get a celebrant instead of a vicar but as we needed Mum to be kept in the funeral home’s freezer for a month before the date of the funeral I didn’t feel empowered to go for the rest of the DIY preparation of the body. I would so liked to have been asked if I would like to wash her one last time. My brother only called to let me know she’d died because he couldn’t find the DNR form for the paramedics. And, just like the hospice crew in the show, hardly any of us regulars at the Death Cafe have written the letter of wishes, told folks where the lists of information and legal stuff is. A couple have now made a will and are considering clearing out some of the clutter and downsizing.
